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[oohforeshadowing]

Let me get back to you, darling.

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[oohforeshadowing]

Just seven, out of the billions of people on your awful-sounding planet?

Huh. Being here must be quite the breath of fresh air.

[hauntedcalamari]

And I'm usually a ghost, so...

[oohforeshadowing]

Hm.

Do the tentacles still work?

[hauntedcalamari]

Yeah, but they're as insubstantial as I am at any given moment. Which is... dependent... on... Klaus.

[oohforeshadowing]

So there's not much guessing what your deal is for, I suppose.

[hauntedcalamari]

Imagine how much trouble seven of us would be! Rewriting the whole timeline seems like the best bet.

[oohforeshadowing]

...Now I'm not following.

What is your deal?

[hauntedcalamari]

Being alive seems like it's a bonus for being here, as long as I am here. But brother number five time travels. Sister seven can blow up the moon in a bad mood. It's a long list. We've re-done our timeline at least twice--actually, no, more than that. I'm looking for one that doesn't suck. For us or the... planet.

[oohforeshadowing]

Uggghhh.

You're saving the world.

[hauntedcalamari]

I used to live on the world and it's the only place with doughnuts. But if I'm honest, I'm more about saving my terrible idiot family. The world's a nice side effect.

[oohforeshadowing]

And are you getting to be not-a-ghost as, what, a freebie?

[hauntedcalamari]

I think it may be. Dead wardens don't seem to need an auxiliary deal, but the only other ghosts I know around here are or were inmates. But if I use my deal right it shouldn't matter, since I would really love a timeline where I get to finish puberty, just speaking personally.

[oohforeshadowing]

Oh, is that a human thing? Sounds awkward.

Best of luck with the heroism, anyway.

[hauntedcalamari]

Is it? That feels unfair.

[A pause for comedic timing purposes.]

No, wait, I just thought about all of history and we definitely deserve it.

[oohforeshadowing]

I don't know or care about your planet but I'll take it on trust, darling.

[hauntedcalamari]

[Well, he's been pretty communicative here, might as well take an opening and see how it goes.]

Fonder of yours or just unimpressed by planets in general?

[oohforeshadowing]

Oh, no, Etheria's no use to me either. So, the latter, I suppose.

[hauntedcalamari]

Ideas for improvement or you'd know it when you see it?

[oohforeshadowing]

Improvement on - what, exactly?

[hauntedcalamari]

If a whole planet's not up to your standards, they're probably pretty exacting.

[And that makes them interesting,]

[oohforeshadowing]

They are extremely low, and yet by wanting something as simple as 'not about to be torn apart in a major international conflict' my hopes are consistently dashed.

[hauntedcalamari]

I've admittedly just been to a couple different versions of the one, but that does seem like it shouldn't be a tall order.

[oohforeshadowing]

You'd think! And yet.

Fortunately, I do seem to have washed up on a ship where I don't need to pay rent and can't die.

[hauntedcalamari]

Not dying is nice.

[Ben has never paid rent.]

Sure sucked the first time, anyway. And I can't complain about the accommodations. It might be just personal preference whether you'd rather be caught between nations in conflict or just disorganized angry people with knives and magic powers.

[oohforeshadowing]

Well. Maybe you keep antagonizing people with knives et cetera, darling, but some of us can lead a quiet life.

[Incredibly quiet. Too quiet. God they're bored.]